Most people don’t overshare randomly, it’s usually a signal of something deeper, like anxiety, attachment patterns, or a need for connection.
This week, I've been struck with how some clients tend to overshare when they connect with others. As therapists, our bread and butter is dependent upon individuals trusting the therapeutic space to share intimate details of their personal lives. While this is appropriate and needed in therapy, it does not often translate well into other contexts! But why do people overshare?
For a clinical perspective, see Oversharing and Trauma: What It Means Clinically.
Why Do People Overshare?
One reason people may overshare is due to a lack of boundaries. Clients who have not developed healthy boundaries may not know how to distinguish appropriate from inappropriate disclosure. This can stem from childhood and may involve a range of factors such as feelings of neglect or an enmeshed family dynamic. Additionally, some individuals may have difficulty maintaining appropriate boundaries if they are struggling with anxiety or depression, as they may seek comfort through over-sharing as a way to feel better. Check out our resources on boundaries to support your clients.
Social Anxiety
Another factor that can contribute to oversharing is social anxiety. In some cases, individuals who experience social anxiety may talk incessantly as a way to combat their anxiety. Sharing personal information may feel like a way to control the conversation and keep it flowing, even if the details being shared are not related to the topic at hand. When left unchecked, this behavior can leave others feeling drained or overwhelmed. Find support and resources for social anxiety here.
If you're a therapist who uses worksheets or structured tools in session, choosing the right resource can be surprisingly difficult. I created a quick Therapist Marketplace Cheat Sheet to help clinicians navigate therapy worksheets and select tools that actually match the clinical goal - you can find the link at the bottom of this article.
Validation
In some cases, oversharing may be a way to seek validation from others. Individuals who have low self-esteem or don't feel seen or heard may use oversharing as a way to connect with others. They may believe that by sharing personal information, they can establish a deeper connection with others or gain their approval. This can lead to feelings of disappointment and betrayal as it may create a false sense of intimacy and trust in the relationship. Discover resources to help your clients develop self awareness.
Impulsivity
Oversharing may be the result of impulsivity or a lack of inhibition. Your clients may feel compelled to share every thought or experience as soon as it enters their mind. Without a filter or awareness of how their behavior affects others, they may struggle to regulate their thoughts and emotions, and as a result, overshare inappropriately. This may strain their relationships and lead to feelings of regret or embarrassment when they reflect on their interactions. As therapists, we can support our clients in developing emotional awareness and self-regulation skills Coping cards are a great way to introduce these skills.
Emotional Awareness
In some instances, oversharing can be linked to low emotional awareness. People who lack emotional awareness often struggle to recognize and understand their own emotions and consequently have trouble predicting how their words might impact others. They might not realize when their sharing crosses a boundary into oversharing and they may benefit from developing their emotional awareness skills.
Relationship Problems
Oversharing may also reflect ongoing relationship problems. People in unstable or unsatisfying relationships might overshare to compensate for the emotional support they lack at home. They might seek out emotional connection elsewhere, often oversharing in the process. This can exacerbate the problem, as it might push people away rather than drawing them in. Therapy can be beneficial in these cases, providing a safe space for individuals to express their feelings constructively. Using real life scenarios to role play relational issues can be very helpful.
Lack of Self-Identity
Lastly, people might overshare because they lack a strong sense of self-identity. When people are unsure of who they are, they might over-rely on the opinions and approval of others to form their self-concept. This can lead to oversharing, as they seek to validate their experiences and feelings through others. Building a strong sense of self is key to mitigating this, and therapy can be an excellent tool for this process. Using the DBT House is a great way to begin helping people identify how they see themselves.
No matter the underlying cause, oversharing can present with challenges in everyday interactions. By working together with clients and understanding their experiences, therapists can help clients understand the impact of their behavior on others and provide them with tools to manage this behavior moving forward. Whether it's through healthy boundary-setting or learning more effective communication skills, the goal is always to provide clients with the support they need to live fulfilling and healthy lives.
Tools Therapists Use When Clients Struggle with Oversharing
Most people don’t overshare randomly, it’s usually a signal of something deeper, like anxiety, attachment patterns, or a need for connection.
This week, I've been struck with how some clients tend to overshare when they connect with others. As therapists, our bread and butter is dependent upon individuals trusting the therapeutic space to share intimate details of their personal lives. While this is appropriate and needed in therapy, it does not often translate well into other contexts! But why do people overshare?
For a clinical perspective, see Oversharing and Trauma: What It Means Clinically.
Why Do People Overshare?
One reason people may overshare is due to a lack of boundaries. Clients who have not developed healthy boundaries may not know how to distinguish appropriate from inappropriate disclosure. This can stem from childhood and may involve a range of factors such as feelings of neglect or an enmeshed family dynamic. Additionally, some individuals may have difficulty maintaining appropriate boundaries if they are struggling with anxiety or depression, as they may seek comfort through over-sharing as a way to feel better. Check out our resources on boundaries to support your clients.
Social Anxiety
Another factor that can contribute to oversharing is social anxiety. In some cases, individuals who experience social anxiety may talk incessantly as a way to combat their anxiety. Sharing personal information may feel like a way to control the conversation and keep it flowing, even if the details being shared are not related to the topic at hand. When left unchecked, this behavior can leave others feeling drained or overwhelmed. Find support and resources for social anxiety here.
If you're a therapist who uses worksheets or structured tools in session, choosing the right resource can be surprisingly difficult. I created a quick Therapist Marketplace Cheat Sheet to help clinicians navigate therapy worksheets and select tools that actually match the clinical goal - you can find the link at the bottom of this article.
Validation
In some cases, oversharing may be a way to seek validation from others. Individuals who have low self-esteem or don't feel seen or heard may use oversharing as a way to connect with others. They may believe that by sharing personal information, they can establish a deeper connection with others or gain their approval. This can lead to feelings of disappointment and betrayal as it may create a false sense of intimacy and trust in the relationship. Discover resources to help your clients develop self awareness.
Impulsivity
Oversharing may be the result of impulsivity or a lack of inhibition. Your clients may feel compelled to share every thought or experience as soon as it enters their mind. Without a filter or awareness of how their behavior affects others, they may struggle to regulate their thoughts and emotions, and as a result, overshare inappropriately. This may strain their relationships and lead to feelings of regret or embarrassment when they reflect on their interactions. As therapists, we can support our clients in developing emotional awareness and self-regulation skills Coping cards are a great way to introduce these skills.
Emotional Awareness
In some instances, oversharing can be linked to low emotional awareness. People who lack emotional awareness often struggle to recognize and understand their own emotions and consequently have trouble predicting how their words might impact others. They might not realize when their sharing crosses a boundary into oversharing and they may benefit from developing their emotional awareness skills.
Relationship Problems
Oversharing may also reflect ongoing relationship problems. People in unstable or unsatisfying relationships might overshare to compensate for the emotional support they lack at home. They might seek out emotional connection elsewhere, often oversharing in the process. This can exacerbate the problem, as it might push people away rather than drawing them in. Therapy can be beneficial in these cases, providing a safe space for individuals to express their feelings constructively. Using real life scenarios to role play relational issues can be very helpful.
Lack of Self-Identity
Lastly, people might overshare because they lack a strong sense of self-identity. When people are unsure of who they are, they might over-rely on the opinions and approval of others to form their self-concept. This can lead to oversharing, as they seek to validate their experiences and feelings through others. Building a strong sense of self is key to mitigating this, and therapy can be an excellent tool for this process. Using the DBT House is a great way to begin helping people identify how they see themselves.
No matter the underlying cause, oversharing can present with challenges in everyday interactions. By working together with clients and understanding their experiences, therapists can help clients understand the impact of their behavior on others and provide them with tools to manage this behavior moving forward. Whether it's through healthy boundary-setting or learning more effective communication skills, the goal is always to provide clients with the support they need to live fulfilling and healthy lives.
Tools Therapists Use When Clients Struggle with Oversharing
Want help choosing therapy resources that actually get used?
- Choosing a selection results in a full page refresh.